


"It's Called Break-Up 'Cause It's Broken"

by thekilljoyunicorn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-01
Updated: 2013-07-01
Packaged: 2017-12-16 17:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekilljoyunicorn/pseuds/thekilljoyunicorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jake English wakes up with a blistering, sugar-induced headache, and another long, orange monologue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	"It's Called Break-Up 'Cause It's Broken"

**Author's Note:**

> Just a post I did for br2 of the HSWC
> 
> The quote this is based off of is:
>
>> " _I am writing with a burned hand about the nature of fire_ "  
> \- Ingeborg Bachmann 
> 
> The title is a line from the Mayday Parade song "The Last Something That Meant Anything" 

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

What happened the previous night had been something so surreal, so unnatural; it was hard to reflect on. The headaches coursing through every one of the kid’s heads were a monstrosity. It festered, it ached, it bled, and it was almost as much as the wounds that had opened yesterday. It broke through the patched and coddled scars like a monster, teeth gnashing viciously through tender flesh and screaming into the night with the intensity of vultures squawking hideously into the stagnant desert, lurking hungry over the killed kill. 

It hurt, oh god, it was excruciating! 

The room was dark and stale, and the chains surrounding them stood as cold as the air. It was almost as frigid as the frost around their fear-ridden hearts. Where were they? Jake looked around, finding that “they” only amounted to Roxy. Stone screamed against his back, the slab of it not helping him nurse his headache in the slightest. Oh, the blasted night had left its mark, and, as a bitter mistress, decided to brand its memory deeper. Why couldn’t it just let go?

Then again, Jake could have asked himself the same. Why didn’t he just let Dirk go when he was having such doubts? For God’s sake, not even the crazy ju-ju magic could have lifted his spirits! No, he clung to the resonance of a melancholy tune, the single, rotten chord, a funeral knell. If only he had just…manned up and told him what was going on. Then again, how could he? He could scarcely get a word in through the clingy, possessive monologues, and by the time they were through, he was too putt-off to even think about responding. Teenage romance was tough. 

Slowly, Jake sat up, trying not to jostle himself too much for the fear of getting sick from it. This headache was the devil himself. Sighing, he opened his eyes a bit more, straightened his glasses, and looked around the room. All it contents were chain and two slabs of solid rock, each donning a symbol. What got them dumped here? It would have made much more sense to have been dropped where they last been. Hell, maybe this was where they were last? The whole thing seemed a blur now. If it weren’t for how grounded he felt now, or for the drumming of pain through his temples, Jake would have been certain this was all a dream. Truly, he wished it had been. The way Dirk had spoken last night when he ended it…it was a lot to handle. Still, Jake could not say he would have taken it back. This is what he wanted, right? Being with Dirk was too much, so that took the weight off him, yet he still wished it did not end that way. At the time, he was too out of it to understand, but now he did, and there was a faint ache in his chest. It was truly over, wasn’t it? 

Wincing at the sound of his Pesterchum going off, Jake took a moment before pulling out his phone, and an even longer one before bringing himself to let the beam of it light the room and assault his eyes. When he finally did, it felt as though the light was a scorching dagger, piercing through his skull and into his brain. Eye adjusting, then focusing; he saw he had 2 new messages. While 1 was a new one from Roxy, the other was an older one from about 15 minutes ago. The sinking in his gut rather than the handle or the orange text alerted him of who the other sender was. Sucking in a breath as if he were pained, he opened the message, eyes skimming the orange letters, taking in what they were conveying.

“ TT: Hey, I know you’re probably still snoozing right now, but I really wanted to get this out in the air. I’m not sure of what all you remember from earlier, but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t forget our little episode. I just wanted to get this out of the way, I guess.  
TT: What happened earlier was a crock of pure bullshit, but I still think it’s for the best that the break-up thing still stands.  
TT: Believe me, I know that probably sounds really stupid after all the measures I took to get you to be with me. Hell, I practically weaseled your feelings out of you.  
TT: I went full on puppet-master and pulled the strings to get you to talk, and you know what? At the time, I thought it was right.  
TT: That scares me.  
TT: But there’s the point, isn’t it? I _made_ you say your feelings; maybe I even tricked you into thinking you had them in the first place. The truth is, I don’t know what you feel, but with the way this is going, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s not what I was feeling.  
TT: But Jake, that’s obviously not healthy, nor is it what a relationship should be, and yeah, you’re hearing this from a guy the lived in the middle of nowhere, but hear me out.  
TT: It may seem common knowledge, but a relationship should be between two people who actually care about each other that way. It shouldn’t be forced. The two people should feel mutually the same way, and want to give themselves over to the other person as much as the can, no matter how terrifying it is.  
TT: I can’t do that, and you weren’t going to. I forced my way in, but at what cost? Honestly, I don’t know what I was thinking would come out of this. I thought…maybe you would feel the same way?  
TT: But no, I only worried myself more by hoping for that, expecting it, and then not getting it in the end.  
TT: I wanted love, and let’s face it, we didn’t have it like that. I wanted romance, amore, the kind you get in all those sappy movies and junk.  
TT: I wanted to be the next Brokeback Mountain or something, but less pathetic and sad.  
TT: We didn’t have that, we couldn’t.  
TT: And it probably seems weird that I’m talking about love like I know what it is with just failing with my first actual relationship.  
TT: It’s like…’I am writing with a burned hand about the nature of fire.’  
TT: But god, I’ve tasted what I thought love was on my end, I think it really was, and I know I want it reciprocated with the same amount I feel.  
TT: You’re probably gonna be pissed when you see all of this, and I’m sorry, not just for these messages, but for everything.  
TT: Please, forgive me and at least tolerate me for the rest of this. We need to win, and that’s more important than some romance drama.  
TT: And Jake?  
TT: I really, really did love you, and I still do.  
TT: I know this will all blow over, but just remember that above all that crap I pulled, I loved you.  
TT: Thank you.”

Blinking confused tears away, Jake let his phone rest beside him as he lay back down. This was for the best, after all, right? Though this, he learned the nature of fire. Dirk Strider was a flame to reckon with as it underwent the reckoning for itself of its own design, and the heat of his passion was scorching. Jake English would never understand how to contain that, but he did know what it felt like to burn in its wake.


End file.
